just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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