It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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