I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
