i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
