gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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