Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
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