Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
