Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
