i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
