Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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