Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
