from now on my penis is your penis
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He felt like a one man threesome
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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