stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the day after is always just damage control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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