I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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