theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
