break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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