omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
