Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
