So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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