Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
