Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
