I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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