Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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