my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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