is your mom at the bar?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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