I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
