You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
