I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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