I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
