He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
