WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
