hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
