I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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