the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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