I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
