Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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