this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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