I looked at my own cervix.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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