I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
