why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
