I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
