Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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