I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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