I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
