UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
