Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
