i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
