Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
