You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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