clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
