Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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