We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
