You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think I am morally bankrupt
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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