laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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