Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
