im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Warsđ
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You couldnât remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders âunlimited hand frittersâ if they wouldnât cut you off.
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