paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
