i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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