She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
