I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
