i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
