i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
