Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
