He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
