I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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