Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dear god my vagina.
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