Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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