Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
