Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
