I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
