I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
