I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
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How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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