im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
