I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
