I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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