I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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