What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
