hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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