There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
