I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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