we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
